I Refuse by Trey Songz is the inspiration for this post. Beautiful song. I am sure so many of us can relate to feeling that way about at least one relationship in our life. But it got me thinking, why do we fight for love? Should true love even be something that we have to fight for? I know what it is to love so deeply that it hurts your soul and that wasn’t something I had to try to do. It wasn’t something I had to force or make happen. It came naturally. It came strongly. It came passionately.
Yet so many of us fight for relationships that aren’t working with people who aren’t willing to put in the same amount of effort as we are to make it last. And why? Because we are programmed to believe that we should. Is it not true that virtually every love themed movie out there promotes fighting for love? Chasing the girl. Making it work. However, we fail to realize that the scripted relational problems of these characters are resolved within 90 minutes. And our real-life issues are far too complex to be resolved in such a short amount of time. So we compare ourselves to them and buy into the media craze that tells us that no matter what we have to fight. We cannot give up. We have to stay. Or what about all of these love songs that are blasting through our speakers? Okay, half of them are about broken hearts and the man who did wrong. But what about the other half? The other half that feeds us the idea that we have to try and keep trying.
But what they don’t tell us is when we should stop. When enough is enough. When all of our efforts have led to nothing. When we should walk away. So we get used, mistreated, unappreciated and a whole list of other things. And it is our own fault because we allow it. All for the sake of love. Because in the movies he chases the girl and she eventually comes around. But what happens in real life when you chase the girl and she still chooses to leave? Oh, but there was that one story on the talk show about the man who proposed. But what happens when after years of stringing you along, he walks out. Oh, but I saw this one thing where she cheated and after he confessed his love she apologized, went back to him, and they lived happily ever after? But what happens when she cheats and doesn’t want to come back? Or when she apologizes and comes back and then cheats again? Or when she apologizes, comes back, and you realize you can’t forgive her?
Life is more complex than 90 minutes on film or 3 minutes on the radio. And sometimes fighting is not the best answer. I know they said you fight hard for what you love. But love is such a natural thing when it is genuine that it shouldn’t be a fight. And that is just it. Most of the time, if not all the time we are fighting to get someone else’s love. We are fighting on the behalf of another person. Trying to get them to see what we feel is so real and apparent. Trying to make them as invested as we are. But guess what? You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make someone invest time that they do not want to. And if that other person cannot make the natural, effortless, heartfelt decision to love you back then that isn’t something you should fight for at all.
At some point you have to want better for yourself. You have to know that you deserve better. And you have to know that there is someone out there who is capable of and willing to give you that.
Don’t get me wrong, I will still be bumping this Trey Songz I Refuse, but I have an understanding of who and what is worth a fight and who isn’t.