Unthinkable

So much goes on in my head- it’s overwhelming. I’m convinced that’s the reason I get so many headaches on a daily basis. My mind is swarming with the most complex thoughts and ideas. And I use my pen to try and relieve all the pressure. Sometimes the concept is so complex that my pen doesn’t even do it justice. Man that’s frustrating. To have this idea in your head and your words can’t even begin to scratch the surface of what it’s about. Sometimes I wish I could hook up a machine to my brain so people could see what I’m thinking. Then they’d get it. The inner workings of my mind. My deepest thoughts. The complexities of me. And then they’d understand it. Why I do what I do. Feel what I feel. Why I see things the way I do. Of course that would be dangerous. Maybe too dangerous. Then I’d be totally vulnerable and exposed. There would be no mystery to me. Besides, the things that go on in my head are so complex I’m almost certain people would fail to understand them the way that I mean them. They would misconstrue it all into something more basic and simple so their little minds could try to grasp the concepts. At least with my pen I have control. Control over the aspects I choose to share. Control over how in-depth I choose to go. Control over how I choose to describe it, convey it. I guess I’ll stick with my pen.

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