Oh the Horror

Whenever I have the desire to be close to you, I read your words. Why? Because they are the inner most parts of you. The parts you won’t let escape from your lips when we’re together. The parts I have to try to figure out for myself. Your words envelop me tighter than your arms ever have. I read the words until they literally squeeze the life out of me. Not physically of course because they are words. But they are so deep, so meaningful, and so intricate that I know I’m seeing into your soul. The depths of you are terrifying. It’s like watching a horror movie full of gore and putting your hands up to your face, but still having this urge to peek. And when you leave the movie you say, “That was disgusting. I would never recommend that to anybody.” Yet the sequences of the film won’t escape your mind. You wonder who on earth has the capacity to develop something so terribly violent, gory, filthy….You are that for me. That’s what your words do to me. It bothers me the things you ponder. No it worries me. I wonder what has happened to you to make you this way, only you’ll never tell me. So I continue reading one peek at a time. On edge because I don’t know if the next scene will be the one that makes me decide I’ve had enough. The one that makes me determine I can’t watch anymore. The one that makes me walk out and never return.

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