When you’ve gone through life being mistreated time and time again, being lied to time and time again, being hurt time and time again, by man after man; It shapes you. The first man I ever knew set the mold and every man after him filled it. But then came you. So different, so new. Initially it was refreshing. Keyword is initially. Because it didn’t take long for me to start wishing I had the old mold back. Not because I enjoyed being hurt. Not because I enjoyed being disrespected. Not because I enjoyed being mistreated. Rather because I was used to it. I could handle it. Being called outside of my name was the norm, so to have you call me beautiful caught me off guard. I was used to having a man run around on me, so for you to devote all of your time and attention to me made me nervous. I was used to feeling sad and hurt, so to be smiling and laughing felt odd. Not because I didn’t like it, but because I was wondering when it would end. I didn’t want it to end and I wanted to believe that it wouldn’t with you. But I had a past full of experiences that told me it would. You thought I ran from you because I didn’t want you. But I ran because I didn’t want to give you the chance to run from me. I ran because I didn’t understand the motives behind your care and concern. I ran because I didn’t know what it meant to be loved. And because I never let you in deep enough to know any of that, when I ran you simply let me. I wish I could have let you love me. I wish you would’ve understood why I couldn’t. But I couldn’t and you didn’t.